There has always been, and will probably always be great debate surrounding the issue of discipline. Is spanking a child ok? Does time-out really work? Just what is the best way to train our children to listen, obey, and be respectful of themselves and others? Considering all of the things that I have read and observed on the subject, and myself as a mother, what emerges as most important is that discipline, regardless of it’s form, must be done properly…if not, a parent might as well not do anything, as the results would be pretty much the same. It is not what is done that matters most, but how…..
Right from the toddler upto teenage it becomes the toughest and the most difficult job for parents to bring discipline in their child and patience plays the key role in this job. As parents, one should keep in mind that each child is unique and have their own way of learning discipline.
To discipline a child is to train him or her in a way that corrects and molds the moral character. Discipline is what teaches children what is right and wrong, which behaviors are acceptable and which behaviors are just not going to fly. Parents should keep in their mind that punishment will be last criteria to bring discipline after trying out various methods to mould their child into a perfect individual. When a child misbehaves, it is critical to point out the bad behavior and change the situation. A few common reasons for behavioral meltdowns are that the child is bored, that he or she is not getting enough attention, or feels like he or she is being treated unfairly. Kids also get frustrated and act out when they lack the communication skills to get their needs across. Discipline in some of these cases can be as easy as diverting the child’s attention to more positive behaviors, introducing a new activity, or giving that child some focused individual attention.
According to Ms.Sona Pandey, if a child is motivated by giving points for his or her good behavior or work given, the child is sure to complete it with great responsibility just for the appraisal and for gifts. This indeed helps the child learn that best things in life are appreciated and rewarded. The rewards teach them to earn something on their own and encourage them to work hard for it. They also learn to wait for it and have patience too…..
Ishita Upadhyay has come out with an idea of a calender chart where she gives a sticker to her son to stick on it each day after he completes his task and when the chart is filled with stickers she has kept a reward for her son. These things might be very simple but really this could bring a lot of changes in the child’s development in terms of discipline.
Discipline comes over a period of time with consistent patience from the parents. It is not just with one go. One should keep in mind that if a child throws tantrum with unreasonable requests, it is only because the child is either hungry, sleep, upset about but unable to express it, or needs parents attention.
In the case of both working parents, it is obvious that they hardly can pay attention to their child by the time they are home. In such cases, parents should take care that their work pressure or personal pressure should not be showed upon their child. The child only expects love and time from parents. When this is not given properly to the child, there are chances of developing ADD or ADHD disorders i.e., (Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) which is most common in the early childhood. The child”s mind is just like a plain sheet of paper, anything we write registers on it. Parents have to be very careful about this. They have to keep in their mind that their child learn what they Live. Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte has written a wonderful and a thoughtful line about the child….I would just like to add those lines here as I feel that these lines has to be read by each parent before disciplining their child.
“If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Encourage the child with appreciation for their good work even though the work done is very small. Each child is a unique flower by itself. Please do not compare your child with the other. Do not discourage them. Listen to them when they want to tell you something. Do not hurt a child’s ego. Give time to them and then see the difference.
Anjum Husain, a montessorian by herself has a question for all parents. She asks…. How many of us sacrifice our phones when we are spending time with kids? How many of us have given up television so that our child do not get into the habit?? How many of us put the light out at 9 pm and go to sleep with the child?? How many of us keep the child’s need in front of our own??
These questions seems very simple in our lives, but matters a lot to the child. We all feel that as soon as the child start talking, he/she must follow our rules and regulations. Must eat on time, must eat healthy, must eat enough, etc, etc, etc….and our list goes on….When this MUST become too much that is where the child starts reverting back. Parents are the ones who can set the right example in bringing disciple to their child. If parents are not following then they cannot impose the rules on the child. When the child misbehaves, understand the cause behind it or just ignore the child when misbehaving and address it when child calms down.
Toddlerhood is a particularly vexing time for parents because this is the age at which children start to become more independent and discover themselves as individuals. Yet they still have a limited ability to communicate and reason.
So how do you deal with a child who screams every time you try to give him or her a bath, and whose vocabulary seems to consist of just one word — “no”?
Archana Saha concludes that all moms face same challenges with different situations and different tantrums.
Parenthood is a everyday learning process from toddlers up until the child reaches teenage. By the way “What is learnt in the cradle is carried to the grave,” which every parent has to keep in mind. Parents should be a good example to their little ones before imposing rules on them. Bringing Discipline in child is not a One-Day Program…it is a gradual learning process.